How long to sing this song?

As Jules once famously said “you were saying something about best intentions”. This project started with those, it really did. My aim to write 40 stories about my first 40 years of work. Then before I knew it the anniversary has passed and the moment has gone. You don’t have to be a genius to work that one out.

I was talking recently to someone about old rock stars. Should they carry on, with pomp and swagger, attempt to create new stuff and amaze people. Or churn out the hits on a never-ending treadmill, unable to let go of their limelight and the adoration of all their fans. Even though that fan base was as old as them and their younger peers were respectful but quietly scornful of their lack of youth and rebellion.

What if they had never reached megastar status at all? Just as Alison Moyet apparently earns the UK average wage from Spotify streams, should those who had harboured dreams of greatness, persist in the hope that their journeyman canon is one day shot blasted into life by a surprise last-gasp hurrah?

The truth, well, my truth, is most people won’t be told about anything that they do not want to hear. Belief is a very very powerful fellow, and its twin sibling Bias is always lurking behind them, ready to guide the decision you have already emotionally taken, whilst waiting for the logical justification to catch up with you.

Work is a bit like that. One day you are all full of potential, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to conquer whatever world you have allowed yourself to fall into. Sometimes you do, and for some it makes them happy. People will tell you the world has changed rapidly in the last 40 years, and to some extent that is true. The trappings and the methods have changed. But look closely at the world around you and it’s not that different to a Neolithic dwelling, the Court of Henry VIII or a 19th century coal mine. The same fundamental human forces are at work, and there are winners, losers, leaders, followers, money and power all before you. Generally now people are much physically safer at work than they used to be. 

Psychologically? Sometimes.

In all this I accept my own limitations, knowing I did my best. Even when my best wasn’t very good, it was all I could do. Right now I am going to accept that this is the last in this series for a bit. I might return to it, but other priorities beckon and who knows when the short time we all have will end for good for me. It’s not time you need to manage, its priorities, and that gets more important with every passing day.

But don’t think you can interpret this and draw the conclusions that will suit you. I’m almost guaranteed to do what you don’t want me to, especially if  I know you don’t want me to do it. But I do want to paint, in my very limited fashion, something more than words, canvasses filled with joy and colour. Like this one.

These last 40 years have been but a scratch on that changing landscape of work. I’ve had ups, downs, sideways and no ways. I’ve met a lot of lovely, lovely people and worked in some great places. I hope beyond anything that the good I have done has outweighed the bad, and that I have left a positive difference to those I have shared the path with.  I’ve a lot to be grateful for, but I still yearn for the elusive psychological success. Maybe we all do. I guess I need to keep looking.

How long to sing this song?